7. We Need To Talk

BPOV

He said that everything’s going to be okay. He said that he still loves me, and that he accepts Marie…that everyone does.

Could it really be that easy? The feelings of relief threatening to wash over me were getting to be too much to hold off. I don’t know why I am hesitant to believe in their acceptance, but I am.

Maybe it's because I don't really trust them. And that's depressing...

I told you everything would be fine, doll. Just fucking dandy, right? Edward is an awesome kisser, by the way…I’m going to have to taste him again and soon.

I listened to Marie’s internal monologue and finally let the relief envelop me. It was easy while in Edwards arms. He was holding me tightly to him while I was sitting on his lap. He had been wiping my tears away, kissing my flushed cheeks...just adoring every part of me, and reassuring me of his love. Of his will to stay.

I was loving every minute of it. I had missed him so much, and it was moments like these, that reminded me of the aching loss I had felt just last week, because I went without his comforting embrace for so long.


Well, we will never have to go without it again, so cheer up, sexy. Think happy thoughts. Happy, happy, happy… she sang.

Edward interrupted her lilting voice in my head. “Sweetheart, we should get you and Katy back to your house. Her mother should be there soon, and you and I have a lot to talk about." He sighed, sounding a little defeated. "You know, I wanted you to be in bed by now, but that didn’t work out. Maybe we’ll go into school late tomorrow so that you can catch up on some rest. What do you think?”


I nodded and started to get up. I was surprised to see that Alice waiting there to wrap me in a hug.

“Bella, everything is gonna be fine, ok hun? I can be friends with Marie, too. Hey, maybe she has all of your repressed girliness and she’ll let me dress her up…you think?” Alice smiled wistfully at me.


I heard Marie’s dark chuckle Not a chance, twinkle toes.


I nodded, “I bet she would love that.”

Lies! she exclaimed, sounding betrayed.


Haha!

I was then being embraced by Carlisle. “Bella, we love you, just remember that, okay? You are apart of this family. I know it hasn’t seemed like that, but eventually, in time, you will see that it is the truth and come to trust us again. If you or Marie ever need to talk, you know where to find me,” he said, then he sealed his words with a kiss to my forehead.

“Thanks,” I murmured shyly. 

I had to get out of hear before I started to tear up again.

Stupid Cullens and their sappy words…


You know you love them and all their sappy glory.


I do.

I walked into the living room to find Katy playing pattycake with Esme while that Monsters Inc movie played in the backround. Edward went straight for the dvd player to get the movie out while I began gathering up Katy’s things and putting them back in her bag.


I held my hand out to her and she immediately came over to me. “You ready to go back to my place? Your mom should be there soon.”


“Momma?”

I nodded.


“Yes!” she squeaked, then started running towards the front door.


“Wait up, Katy. You’re not allowed out there by yourself.”


She paused with her hand on the door knob. “Huwwy up!” she demanded.


I caught up to her with Edward behind me. I playfully swatted her little butt and snickered, “Miss bossy,” then picked her up to rest on my hip.


She giggled, “Let’s go see Momma,” she said excitedly, and with that, we were out the door.

I stood around for a minute, talking with Katy about her pattycake game with Esme while Edward switched out the carseat from Alice’s Porsche to his Volvo. Once again, she wanted Edward to buckle her in. Apparently, it’s 'better when he does it’.


Whatever.


We pulled into my empty driveway and I was surprised to see Deb’s car pull up right behind us. I was trying to get a sleeping Katy out of her carseat without jostling her around too much, when Deb came up to my side to take the bag off of Edward’s hands.

She started thanking me for taking care of Katy for the evening, when Katy began to stir to the sound of her mother’s voice. I knew that she missed her mom, so I handed Katy right over to her, and after we said our goodbyes, Edward led me into the house.


We walked into darkness, and Edward flipped on the light switch so that I could see where I was going without tripping on something. He walked behind me up the stairs and told me to go ahead and take my shower.


“I’ll be in your room, love,” he said, then sat down in the old rocking chair in the corner of my room.

I picked a short pink cotton gown out of my drawer, and strolled off to the bathroom.


The shower felt good, the warm water beating down on my tense muscles and relieving the tension from the past couple of hours. While I was sudsing up, Marie showed me what had happened after dinner. I was horrified that she had screamed at Edward, insulted Rosalie, and had apparently offended Emmett in some way.


Oh my God, how could you?


What? she asked innocently.


You were supposed to make them like you! Great, now they probably think I need an exorcism performed on me, after you acting like an evil witch.


They didn’t seem to have a problem with it! And besides, you know me. I don’t care about other people’s feelings or what they think. You should try it sometime, Miss Priss. It’s very refreshing she sniffed.


Demon child.


Uptight pansy.


Ugh, I am so mad at you right now! I stomped my foot in the tub, rinsing out my hair.


You know you love me.


I shut off the shower and got out, toweling off and getting dressed. The gown was very comfortable and felt soft on my skin. I smiled as I ran my fingers down the front of it.

I began to grow nervous with the prospect of going back into my bedroom. Edward said that we needed to talk. What exactly did he want to say? Was he mad that I, inadvertently, yelled at him? Insulted his sister? He had to understand that it wasn’t me! Oh god, he’s mad. And he’s going to start laying into me as soon as I walk through that door.

Oh shit.


Will you shut up, you fuckin drama queen! I swear to God, listening to you gives me a headache sometimes. He’s not going to be mad. Just go out there already. And while you’re at it, strut your stuff, sexy. We look good in this gown she remarked as I stared at my reflection in the mirror.


I nodded to myself and opened the bathroom door. I walked back into my room and saw Edward still in the rocking chair. He saw me and gave me that panty-dropping crooked smirk of his, then held out his arms invitingly to me. I grabbed my brush off the dresser and went over to Edward. He pulled me into his lap, wrapped his arms around me, stuck his nose into my wet hair, and inhaled deeply.


“I missed you,” he breathed out.


I smiled. “I was only gone for ten minutes.”

“Ten very long minutes,” he drawled, then kissed my neck.
My back was laying on his chest as he held me to him. He began kissing my neck slowly from the spot behind my ear, all the way down to my shoulder. I leaned into him, letting my head fall back on his shoulder, to give him more access. When he got to the gown strap on my shoulder, he took it in between his fingers and slowly slipped it down, just barely off my shoulder so that he could kiss the exposed skin there, as well. Then, he kissed back up the same trail, all the way back behind my ear. He made the rounds four times before he spoke again.


“I love you so much, Bella,” he whispered into my ear.

I shivered from his cool touch and his icy breath. “I love you too.”


He took the brush from my hand and nudged me to lean forward a little bit. “We need to talk, sweetheart,” he informed me while running the brush very gently through my long, wet hair.

The bristles on the brush lightly scratched down my back, leaving goose bumps on my skin. It felt amazing.


“About what?” I breathed out.


“A lot of stuff. How about you pick a topic you’re comfortable starting out with?” he suggested softly, still brushing my hair…slowly, gently.


“Charlie,” I practically whispered.

Everything was so quiet in the house, in my room, and the gentle lull of Edward’s soft voice directly in my ear only added to the peaceful atmosphere. I didn’t want to ruin it by loud talking.


“Okay, do you have anything you want to say, before I voice my thoughts?”


“You go first,” I said, suddenly nervous.


“Well," he hedged, “I agree with your father that the ticket is a very bad thing. You shouldn’t have been speeding, Bella," he quietly admonished. "And wearing your seatbelt is always a requirement, you know that. I am disappointed that you made those choices, and also a little angry. Honestly, it makes me want to put you over my knee so that by the time I’m done with you, you will never think about driving unsafely again.”


“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I felt my eyes widen a bit at his statement.

The sudden image that Edward had just put in my head of him spanking me as if i were a child was…well, pretty damn scary.

“Shhh, I know you are baby. I also have a feeling that Marie is to blame for it and that’s why I’m letting it slide.”

I nodded in response.

“But,” he continued, “I am very angry with Charlie,” he said while running a cool fingertip along my bruised cheek. “Leaving bruises on you is inexcusable and abusive. I may have just said that I want to spank you every once in a while, due to random things pertaining to your behavior, but I would never mark you,” he whispered to me. “I know how to handle your fragile body. He, obviously, does not, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t want to leave you alone with him anymore.”


He was silent then, waiting for me to respond while the brush strokes continued.


How was I supposed to respond to that though? Edward wanted to…oh God, punish me? Maybe not now, but sometime in the future. The thought of it had me feeling scared…but, at the same time, safe…in a way. A wierd, unknown way.

If that makes any sense.


No, it doesn’t.


I know, I am just a bottle of mixed emotions right now.


I hesitated, then whispered, “Why do feel the need to punish me, though? Doesn’t really make sense to me," I said with a shrug. "I mean, I’m your girlfriend…not your child. And you’ve never brought this up before,” I said in quiet curiosity.


“Love, it’s been quite plain to me since I’ve known you that you’ve never had a stable parental figure in your life.” He shrugged lightly, “Absent father, flighty mother…you had to be put in the parental role with them a lot...and believe me, it shows clearly in the behavior that you display now. You were a neglected child, sweetheart. There have been many times in the past when it was clear to me that you needed a firm hand, for lack of a better term. Guidance. Safety. And unconditional love. All the things parents are supposed to provide their children, and you just got jipped out of all that. It isn’t fair to you. And I promised you that I would always provide you with everything you want. And need.” He sighed and it sent shivers down my spine. “Sometimes an authority figure is what you need,” he informed me and then gave the back of my shoulder a kiss. “Do you understand?”


Yes. I actually do.

I nodded and then said softly, “I want to move out, Edward. My dad is never here anymore. I barely ever see him…plus, I am 18 now, so no one can stop me. I figure that if I keep attending high school, then it won’t be a problem. Charlie hit me…and, I’m both, hurt and angry at him at the same time. I saw what happened between him and Marie and-"


"Wait, Bella…” he interrupted me and paused his brush strokes for a second. When he started them again, he spoke, “You saw what happened? Marie also made a comment to me, that she had seen when I had apologized to you after we returned from Italy over the weekend. Will you explain to me how that works, love?” he asked with a kiss to my hair. And then he added, “Please? And then we can finish discussing Charlie and you moving out.”


I agreed. “Yeah, umm…it’s actually kind of complicated," I began to explain in a soft voice. “Marie is always aware. Always. Like, right now she knows what we are talking about and she knows that you are brushing my hair for me after my shower. Sometimes, throughout the day, she even adds in her own commentary in my head. So I can hear her whenever she speaks like that, and also, she has her own unique voice. It doesn’t quite sound like mine, but it is similar. That’s how I can tell the difference between her talking and my actual thoughts.” I bit my lip as I continued. “However, I am not always aware. Only when I am like this, like right now…I am consciously here. Ok, right now, I am very aware of what’s happening, and this is all normal. But…when Marie comes out, I don’t know what happens to my umm, individual mind…?” I tried to explain. He kissed my other shoulder and I sighed, “Sorry, I’m trying my best to explain.”


“It’s fine, love, keep going…please. I am very intrigued.”


“Ok, well…when I know I’m fixing to have an episode, and Marie is going to come around, my vision goes a little blurry. Sometimes, I can have quickened breaths, sort of like a panic attack, but that’s not what it is. And sometimes, my breathing just stays normal. Anyway, when she has completely taken over, all I know is that my vision goes black. Now…when I come back around, and I’m me again, my vision goes from blurry to clear, very fast actually, as everything comes back into focus. Oh yeah, and I never know how much time has passed. That’s why I tend to immediately check my watch, which I always have on my wrist now. I guess it’s sort of like being asleep...in the fact that it’s almost instantaneous to me. I mean, one second, I’m blacking out, then the next my vision is clearing up, and I’m in completely different surroundings. It’s very disorienting…and it can be upsetting, depending on the situation. Like, one time? ... I was out for 3 days.” I sighed and shook my head a bit. “It really freaked me out,” I said quietly.


“I’m sure it did,” Edward murmured to me, continuing to brush my hair.


“And what I meant, by saying that I could see what happened tonight after I had dinner, is that Marie can actually show me her memory. And what’s really interesting, is that it’s not like looking back into my own memory. When she shows me hers, it’s more like watching a movie. And she only shows me what she wants me to see, so a lot of these memories could be majorly edited, and I would never know. In a lot of ways, we are like two completely different individuals,” I finished with a shake of my head.


He kissed my temple and whispered to me, “Your mind is fascinating,” he said as if it was a compliment.

I just stayed quiet. I think my mind is freaky, but whatever…fascinating sounds a hell of a lot better to me.


Did ya hear that, Bell? He called me fascinating… she said with a wistful sigh.


I giggled a little at that.

Edward noticed. “What is it?” he asked curiously.


“Marie thinks you just called her, specifically, fascinating. Not my mind. But her,” I told him with a nod.


He laughed lightly, “She’s quite a character. I think she’s funny and I love her protective tendencies.”


I shrugged, “If you say so…”


“I do,” he said then changed the subject. “Anyway, with Charlie…”


“Yes?”


“I think you moving out is a very good idea, actually. It would make things a lot easier for us…we wouldn’t have to sneak around at night anymore so that I can be by your side while you sleep. And you would be living with a doctor in the house. You know, with your health slipping, and this new revelation of Marie, you might need him more than you expected.”


I nodded. “So, I guess the question now is…when?”


Before he could answer, his cell phone started buzzing. He took it out of his pocket and flipped it open. “Hi Alice,” he greeted before I heard a lot of squealing and high-pitched fast talking coming through the receiver. I couldn’t make out any of it. “That’s fine….yes….leave them….alright….ok, yes, Alice, bye.” After he flipped the phone closed and slipped it back in his pocket, he started brushing again then explained the call softly in my ear.


“Alice saw our decision. She is already starting to order a bed for our room, and she is going to hang up the new clothes that you left at the house, in our closet. She’s starting to rearrange it right now, actually,” he finished with a smile.


The way he said ‘our’ warmed my heart and made me tingly all over.


So, we’re moving in? Awesome! Just make sure that Rosalie bitch stays away from me. I don’t like her and I never will like that fucking cuntbag.


You need to learn better people skills.


Fuck your people skills.


I sighed and turned my attention back to Edward. “That’s great,” I said with a smile. ”I’m not sure what I want to bring over from my room, though. Probably not much. So when do you want to do this, Edward?” I asked and then shifted to the side in his lap so I could see him. “I have some packing to do,” I said with a smile.


He put the brush down, my hair practically dry now, and put his arm around my shoulder, tucking me into his side. “As soon as possible, love,” he said, then started slowly rocking us back and forth.

My eyes were starting to droop in the dimly lit room. Today had been stressful and I was beginning to feel the affects of it. I yawned and snuggled further into Edward's chest.


“I’ll start packing tomorrow after school, then. We can stop by the store and get some boxes on our way back here,” I suggested.


“Sounds like a plan, baby. Try and get some rest...” he whispered in my ear before kissing my earlobe.


I nodded and let my eyes droop further closed, lulled by Edward’s breathing and our slow rocking. I still needed to discuss something about Marie with him though, and tried desperately to force my eyes back open.


“Edward?” I breathed out, completely exhausted.


“Hmm?”


“I need to tell you something else...” I mumbled.


He kept rocking, and spoke in a slightly firm tone. “Is this something that can wait until tomorrow? You need to sleep, Bella.”


I shook my head and he sighed, “Bella I am going to be angry if this is just another attempt to stay awake, like last night,” he warned.


I shook my head again to let him know that it wasn’t, then spoke up. “About Marie…you know, she’s not all she makes herself out to be. Remember that, Edward,“ I stressed in a whispered voice. “I know she can be hard to deal with. She has a really tough exterior, ya know? What, with the violence, and profanity, and…just overall, in your face attitude. But you have to understand…that it’s all just a front. She has a purpose, I guess. My mind created her when situations arose that I couldn’t deal with in my weak mind-state. She protects me in a way, but she is ignorant. She doesn’t have any social skills, she’s doesn’t think before she acts. It’s almost as though she works on instinct alone, without the common sense that you and I have. And behind all the tough words, and violent actions, she is the same as I was back in November. She was created from a scared, and utterly broken girl. And that is exactly what she really is. And she’s very confused. So…just remember that when you’re dealing with her and she’s being a difficult bitch.”


He was silent, so I spoke up again after a minute. “”Alright?” I yawned.


I felt a cool kiss on my hair and heard his soft voice, agreeing, “Okay, love…”


And then I was rocked into the bliss of unconsciousness.