42. Breakdown

EPOV

She gasped into the silence of the dark room as her body shot straight up from my chest.


"Shhh…" I shushed her and placed my hands on the small of her back, kneading small circles and coaxing her to lay back down on top of me.


Tears were already coursing down her cheeks, and her breaths were coming out in pants. She kept her frantic, unseeing eyes focused forward…on nothing but the headboard. I gently ran my right hand up along her spine, while keeping a firm grip on her hip with my left.


"Bella, love…baby, come here," I gently cooed to her, placing some pressure on her back with my right hand against her spine, still trying to coax her body back down to mine.


At the sound of my voice, her watery eyes finally shot down and locked gazes with me. Recognition flashed in her eyes and her panted breath began to relax, as I silently nodded to her in encouragement to continue calming down.


"Edward," she croaked, her voice thick with sleep.


"Come here, sweetheart," I whispered to her.


She slowly nodded and lowered herself back down to my chest, nuzzling her cheek with the soft cotton of my shirt. She pressed and snuggled herself back into my enveloping arms. I held her close and subtly rocked us from side to side, all the while lightly humming her lullaby under my breath. She was asleep after twenty-nine seconds, and I breathed a sigh of relief.


That was the third time in the past two nights that she had woken up like that; alarmed and gasping for breath, after fidgeting and mumbling in her sleep. Each time, I gently coaxed her back down to my body and caressed my fingertips along her warm flesh, telling her how much I loved her and that she was safe.


The first time had been last night. Isabella had fallen asleep, snuggled into my side, and three hours later, my Bella had woken up, immensely worried that Emmett hated her. So I guessed that Marie had showed her, in her dreams, what had happened earlier that evening. I tried reassuring her that everything was fine, but she needed to see Emmett herself and talk to him.


"I can't believe Marie did that," my Bella said in disbelief, subtly shaking her head while a tear fell from her left eye.


I cupped her cheek and wiped the tear away. "Baby, it's alright. They are going on vacation, and then they will come back. It's okay. They will come back," I assured her.


She rolled over to the side of the bed and hopped down. "I have to…damn it, I have to make this right. Have to fix this," she said determinedly while heading straight for the bedroom door.


I got up and went to her, grabbing her hand in my own and walking down the steps to the second floor. "Really, love…it's okay."


She didn't respond, because then Emmett was standing in front of us on the steps.


"Hey, shorty…" he said in greeting to my Bella with a soft voice.


He had heard our little talk and knew that my Bella wanted to speak with him, so he left his bedroom to come meet her in the stairway so that there wouldn't be another risk of a confrontation with Rosalie.


"I'm sorry," Bella blurted out, then quickly wiped her eye before another tear could fall.


Emmett leaned forward and hugged her then, lifting her off the ground a few feet before setting back down on the step. "It's okay," he assured her.


"But, I'm sorry," my Bella repeated.


He nodded and gave her a small smile. "I know. And I'm sorry too, sis. Rosie should have never taken it to that level. You are a human, and regardless of what you or Marie say to her, showing any type of violence towards you is completely uncalled for and unacceptable. She could have kept things at a verbal level. I spoke to her about it and told her so. She's sorry for letting the confrontation get out of hand, but she just needs a break, ya know?"


Bella nodded and after a few seconds looked down at her feet. I wrapped my arm around her and tucked her into my side, then dropped a cool kiss to the top of her head.


Emmett reached out a hand and put his finger under her chin so that she would look back up at him. When she did, he gave her a playful wink. She gave him a small smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.


"Hey, don't worry kid. It's all gonna be okay," he told her.


She nodded and sniffled a bit. "So, umm…I'll see ya soon?" she whispered hesitantly.


He nodded immediately. "Yes. Hopefully sooner than soon," he said with a chuckle.


She nodded. "Yeah, okay."


She suddenly stepped forward and wrapped her small arms around his big waist. His features softened from the stage-smile that he had plastered on his face, in an effort to cheer her up, as he gently returned the hug.


"Bye," she whispered, then released her embrace and leaned back into my side.


He shook his head, "No, hun. It's not good-bye. It's I'll see you LATER," he pointed out with a smirk.


She smiled. "Yeah…I'll see you LATER," she murmured.


He nodded and softly nudged her bare bicep with his rock hard fist. "That's better."


She nodded, as I hooked my hands under her shoulders and lifted her into my arms. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and her legs went around my waist. "Kay, g'night Em."


"Night, sis."


As I started to stroll back up the flight of stairs back to our bedroom, Emmett started to sing out loudly, "Rock-a-bye baaaby, on the treeeee top! When the bow breaks, the cradle will rooooock!"


My Bella laughed next to my ear and it was the most beautiful sound. "Shut up, Em!"


He chuckled, "Got you to smile!" he told her playfully with another wink.


She grinned and winked back.


We entered our bedroom then, and I put her back to bed.


She woke up in the morning in a very somber mood. In fact, she seemed to be withdrawn and detached throughout the entire day. She didn't talk much, and didn't smile at all. Her body had stopped menstruating in the afternoon. She ate all of her food during her three meals and took a short shower before bed. She didn't pick out a movie, so I did. I had picked out Romeo & Juliet, one of her favorites, but she didn't pay any attention to it. While I brushed her hair, she would stare up at the ceiling, and would barely talk to me…only in shy mumblings and whispers, and only to answer a question. I was extremely worried.


When she had woken up two hours ago, it was with a sharp, high-piercing scream as she shot up off of my chest. I knew that she was having a nightmare from her fluttering eyelashes and her body's fidgeting movements. I shushed her as she mumbled, 'Help me, Momma'. Her whispered plea of 'Daddy, stop' broke my heart and angered me all at the same time. I had gotten her to go back to sleep that time, after three long minutes of calming her gasped breaths and wiping away warm, salty tears.


Now it was 4:30 in the morning and I hoped that she slept peacefully for the remainder of the night. I also hoped that she would be more like herself in the morning.


Yesterday had been a zombie-version of my Bella. She seemed constantly lost in her own head, and it was the first time that I had actually prayed for the ability to see into her closed mind. I fucking prayed for it, but of course, God hates me, so it didn't come true.


My Bella sat on the cream-colored couch in the living room, ignored Alice, and gave the coffee table a blank, wide-eyed stare for fifty-four minutes last night. I tried talking to her, but she didn't respond, so I just tucked her into my side and hoped like hell that whatever was happening, would fucking stop as soon as possible.


I thought about calling Carlisle, but I didn't want to interrupt his private time with Esme. And, I didn't want him to think that I couldn't take care of my Bella on my own. Besides, I wasn't even sure there was anything wrong. Maybe she was just sad.


I kept up the subtle rocking motion, effectively keeping my bundled up sleeping beauty, asleep. She looked exhausted. I could see through her long, fanned out eyelashes that slight dark circles were beginning to form under her eyes. Having nightmares for the past two nights wasn't allowing her to get any real rest.


So lost in my own thoughts was I, that I barely noticed our bedroom had been lit up in a naturally subtle glow of light, caused by the sun's morning rays. My Bella began to stir at the sound of the doorbell ringing downstairs. I looked at the clock on the nightstand to find that it was already 8am.


The delivery truck was here with all of the gym equipment we had ordered over the weekend. Alice answered the door, perky as usual, and instructed the delivery men to leave everything on the floor in the living room. They looked at her, their thoughts colored in disbelief at her small size, and insisted that they could carry the boxes to whatever room she needed them in.


She giggled. "Don't worry about it. My big, strong man will be home from work in a few hours," she told them with a smile.


Jasper snickered from his spot in their bedroom at Alice's attempt to get the humans to leave. My girl was stirring against my chest, waking up, and we all knew that her alternates didn't like strangers. These three strange men needed to leave in case my Bella didn't wake up as my Bella.


"Mmmm…" my angel moaned sleepily.


I softly rubbed her back and shushed her as the delivery men finally conceded and began carrying in the remainder of the boxes from their truck.


My Bella's eyelids fluttered open, and she immediately scrunched up her little button nose and clenched her eyes shut against the brightly lit room. I chuckled at her adorable expression and kissed that little nose.


Mine.


"Good morning, beautiful."


She huffed and slowly slid her eyelids back open. "Mornin…" she mumbled sleepily, then proceeded to roll off of me so that she could stretch her body out, flexing all of her small muscles.


When her tensed muscles finally relaxed out of the stretch, she let out a tired sigh and lay still, in a small heap on the bed next to me. I turned on my side then, and gently swept the hair out of her eyes with my hand, then placed a cool kiss to her forehead.


She stared up at me.


"I love you," I told her.


"Love you, too," she whispered, then slowly sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed and hopped down.


While my Bella was in the bathroom, I went to the closet and quickly got dressed in some casual khakis and a white cotton shirt. I was making the bed when she came out of the bathroom, her hair and teeth already brushed.


I internally cringed at the look on her face. She still had that blank look…like she was detached from the world around her. Her chocolate eyes almost looked hollow.


She walked over to me and immediately began helping me finish making the bed. I insisted that I could do it myself, and that I liked taking care of her.


But she protested.


"I can help," was her barely there whisper.


"Okay," I conceded quietly as we both tucked the white sheet under the mattress on our respective sides.


My hands went on auto-pilot with the blanket and pillows as I watched her. She seemed to concentrate and pay close attention to what she was doing, making sure there were no wrinkles in the gold comforter, and that each pillow was placed in it's assigned spot.


When the bed was made, I asked, "Love, what do you want for breakfast?"


She subtly shrugged, then turned and walked out of the bedroom. I followed her down the steps in silence, keeping my sharps eyes on her feet and her little hand that had a tight grip on the wooden railing. She passed by Alice and the three delivery men without so much as a sideways glance. She went straight for her seat at the dining room table and slowly sat down. She put her left elbow on the table and rested her rosy cheek against her cupped palm, then let out a small sigh.


I took my seat next to her and looked on with concern. "Sweetheart, are you okay?" I asked softly.


"I'm fine," she mumbled.


Always the mumbles and shy whispers now.


Speak up and maybe I'll believe you.


I decided not to push it and asked, again, what she wanted to eat for her breakfast. Her little stomach was subtly growling at us now, advertising her hunger.


"Fruit and toast," she answered in a soft, monotone voice.


"Okay, how about fruit and toast with butter and jelly?" I asked, trying to adjust her meal selection in an effort to add some calories to it.


"Sure," she mumbled with a slight shrug.


"Do you want sliced bananas and strawberries, or just some cut up watermelon for your fruit?" I asked curiously as I rose from my chair.


She shrugged and laid her head down on her now outstretched, bare arm. I stared at her in concern for a second and let my cool hand run through her long silky locks, before I turned and went into the kitchen.


She remained quiet in the dining room while I toasted two slices of bread and cut up half a banana and three strawberries. I fleetingly wondered where Isabella and Marie were, and if they were the cause of my Bella's recently glum mood. Alice joined her at the table while I was trying to gently spread some butter and jam on her toast.


Gently. Don't rip the bread, Cullen.


"What's wrong, sweetie?" Alice chirped softly in concern.


"Nothing," was Bella's monotone mumble.


Alice chuckled. "Nobody believes you," she said lightly.


Bella didn't respond.


I poured a small glass of milk and took her breakfast out to her. She raised her head from the table top as I set the small plate and glass down in front of her. She gave me a small smile in appreciation, but it didn't reach her eyes.


Alice stayed in her spot, and I took my seat again. We watched in concern, and Bella successfully ignored our stares as she slowly ate her small breakfast in silence.


I sighed as she took her last bite of banana. "Bella, what's wrong?" I asked with a slight desperate tone.


I was getting tired of the scripted answers. She kept repeated 'nothing' and 'I'm fine', when she clearly wasn't fucking fine. Her sullen mood and constant nonchalant attitude about it was making me fucking nervous. I wanted the truth, goddamn it. And I wanted her to cheer up. And smile for me. A real fucking smile.


"Nothing."


Another damn mumble.


I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration as she drank the last of her milk. Alice's thoughts were advising me to calm down.


I ignored her and asked my Bella, "Why are you lying to me?" a little briskly.


Bella put her cup down on the table and turned her gaze to stare at me for six seconds, before she abruptly stood from her seat at the table and walked out of the room.


Instead of following her, I leaned back in my chair and groaned in frustration. "Damn it," I grumbled under my breath.


"You need to call Carlisle," Alice told me, then got up from the table and left, as well.


Her, Jasper and I, had to install all of the gym equipment and set it up in the spare room this afternoon. Hopefully my Bella could keep herself occupied while I was busy with that task. I grabbed the two dishes off the table and brought them over to the sink. I didn't bother washing anything, just placed them in there and went back upstairs to my bedroom.


My Bella was standing in the middle of the room, changing out of her pajamas and into some day clothes. She walked up to me in those black star-clad pajama shorts and a white lacy bra, then planted a gentle kiss on my lips. I wrapped my arms around her, keeping her pressed against me and cradled to my chest.


I inhaled her heavenly scent and smiled at the burn in my throat. "Baby, tell me what's wrong," I murmured against the smooth skin of her forehead.


"Nothing's wrong," she quietly mumbled.


"Stop lying."


"Are you gonna spank me?"


I shrugged. "I might."


"I'm not lying," she reaffirmed.


"Then why are you so quiet and sad…and mumbly?"


She lightly chuckled under her breath. Always so quiet. "Mumbly?" she…mumbled.


I kept her in my embrace and started to slowly sway us from side to side.


I nodded and inhaled some more of her lovely scent. "Mm-hmm."


She moved out of my embrace then, and walked over to the bed where her outfit for the day, lay spread out across the blanket. She began to get dressed then, effectively avoiding the subject at hand and distracting me.


But only for a minute.


She slid the small shorts off of her hips and I watched, enraptured as she finished dressing in front of me. She sat on the edge of the bed, clad in only her white bra and panties, and slid her feet into her jeans, then stood up from the bed and brought those jeans up and over her bottom, to her hip bones, and fastened the three buttons in front. She brought the pretty white top over her head and slipped her delicate little arms through each sleeve, then swooped her long hair out of the back of the shirt, letting it frame her face and cup her cheeks, and wave around her shoulders.


All with a blank look on her face.


"Come here," I commanded quietly and crooked my finger at her.


She looked up at me and slowly walked over to me, stopping when we were only inches apart.


I smirked as I embraced her small form in my arms. I kissed her warm lips as I let my hands slowly trail down to her delectable little bottom.


But she only returned the kiss half-heartedly.


I furrowed my brow and withdrew from the kiss, then looked down at her in concern and slight suspicion.


"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked a bit more forcefully.


"Nothin-"


I cut her off with a firm smack to her ass. "Don't lie to me," I warned through slightly gritted teeth.


She sighed and looked up at me with a hurt expression on her face; pretty pouty lips and worried chocolate eyes. It didn't affect me to the extent that she obviously thought it would, though. It was the first emotion that she had shown in two days, and I was a bit relieved at the sight of it, honestly. Besides, I had gotten used to that look from Isabella, after all of the times that I've had to spank her this past week.


After a minute, she told me in a soft, monotone voice, "Go sit on the bed, Edward."


I did and she followed after me. She paced the floor in front of me while I sat patiently, well…as patiently as possible, on the edge of the bed, and waited for her to talk. To say something. Anything.


Okay, anytime now…


She continued to pace and every once in a while, she would pause to look at me skeptically, then resume her slow steps across the hardwood floor.


After three minutes of this, I ran my hands through my hair, gripping the roots and sighed in exasperation. "Bella, for the love of god-"


"Edward, don't interrupt me," she whispered, holding up her little hand.


I let go of my hair and stared at her with wide eyes. "Interrupt you from what? You're. Not. Saying. Anything," I said, stating the obvious.


She huffed and stopped pacing then. She turned to face me, but stayed by the window while she spoke in a constantly quiet voice. "Edward, I'm remembering things. Thing that I've told Carlisle about. These thing are not my memories, they are Isabella's. I can't hear Isabella right now. And I can't hear Marie. My head is silent, and while that's always nice, it's also a bit creepy. It hasn't been this silent in a long time, since Isabella went away when I was ten years old. I know they are still there, though. I heard Isabella whisper, 'My Edward' as soon as I opened my eyes this morning, but that's it. Nothing yesterday, and barely anything today. All there are, are these memories. Every single word that I have spoken to Carlisle is beginning to come alive in my mind. These memories are becoming brand new to me again, like it just fucking happened yesterday, and it's almost too much to bear. I'm trying to forget…make myself numb again and block them out, but I'm not doing too good of a job with that. At all. That's my alternates' job, ya know?…Remembering this crap and keeping it from me, so that I can continue on with my mundane existence untraumatized," she explained.


"Baby, I'm sorry…" I whispered, gazing into her sad, chocolate eyes.


She cleared her throat. "Basically, you and Carlisle are getting what you've wanted all along. The wounds of my past are opening back up to be dealt with a heal properly," she said a bit petulantly, then sniffled a bit.


I shook my head. "No, this is not what I want. I don't want you to hurt, love. How do we make it stop? Where the hell are Isabella and Marie? Why aren't they doing their 'job' in keeping it from you today?" I asked, the slight panic leaking into my tone and making my words quick.


She furrowed her brow at me. "Because Isabella and Marie are not real people," she pointed out quietly, as if it should have been obvious. "They are my mind's defense mechanisms."


I nodded. I had forgotten that my girls weren't really 'real'…I just sort of conveniently let that little fact slip from my mind. I'm already so attached to both of them.


I want them to be real.


Well, they're not. Now, focus on Bella.


"Fuck, I am so lucky that I know alllll about this multiple personality crap. I would be so confused and lost if I didn't," she added softly as an afterthought, then walked over to me, wanting my embrace.


I hooked my hands under her shoulders and brought her to sit on my lap. I hugged her limp body tightly to me, then loosened my grip and kissed her temple.


"Do you want me to call Carlisle? Do you remember what your other doctor did?" I asked hesitantly.


She subtly shrugged and kept her gaze on her lap, then spoke in her quiet mumbles and whispers. "Umm, you can if you want to. And the other doctors just put me on some anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. It was a very small dose because of my slight weight, since I was just a child. There's no cure for a personality disorder Edward, it's not a chemical imbalance of the brain. Therapy is the only solution to integrate my mind, and there's nothing that Carlisle can give me to 'make the voices stop', per say. Those types of meds are for schizophrenics and delusional people. I've umm…done my research," she informed me with a little nod of her head.


I nodded and pulled my phone out of my pocket, then proceeded to call my father, while keeping my Bella firmly held in place on my lap. I subtly, almost unconsciously, began to rock her while I told my father what was going on.


I told him about my Bella's nightmares…about her glum and somber moods, and he immediately asked me if she had cried a lot. She hadn't, ironically enough, so I told him 'no'. He then basically told me everything that my Bella had just said. He said that her mind had begun the healing process, and that said process requires absolutely no interference from her alternates. I asked why it was just starting up now, and not earlier, since she had already had three therapy sessions with him. He reminded me that either Marie or Isabella had always come into awareness before the session could even finish, effectively saving her from having to relive those memories. They were doing their job, and doing it very well…they were protecting her. And while it may have helped at the time, all it did was prolong the inevitable. My Bella would relive those memories, most likely in violent and vivid flashbacks. He told me to be prepared.


I did not like the sound of that.


My Bella couldn't hear his end of the conversation, of course, so she just kept her head on my shoulder and continued to blankly stare straight ahead. I placed a few kisses to the side of her head and her cheek, trying to offer my angel what comfort I could. After Carlisle informed me that he would be home soon, and that there were already bottles of Prozac and Valium for Bella in his medical bag, located in the study, I hung up and turned my full attention back to my mate.


"It's going to be alright, sweetheart," I told her, hugging her tightly to me again. I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince more…her, or myself.


She subtly nodded and kissed my temple, just like I had done to her earlier. "What are we doing today?" she asked quietly, obviously trying to change the subject.


I gave her a small smile. "Well, sweetness…the gym equipment arrived this morning."


She nodded.


"Jasper, Alice, and I are going to be setting it up next door, in the spare room. What would you like to do while we are doing that?" I asked while I softly rubbed her back.


She shrugged. "I think I want to get out for some fresh air…ride my bike, go for a walk, or something. I don't know," she mumbled.


I subtly nodded, even though I had immediately rejected that idea in my head. "Alright love, I'll come with -"


"Edward, I need some time alone…" she told me softly, then looked up at me apologetically.


"No. I don't want you wandering off by yourself, Bella. Isabella or Marie could come around at any second, and they wouldn't know where they were," I pointed out.


"Marie knows her way around, and I'll bring my phone," she reasoned quietly.


I squinted my eyes at her.


"Call me anytime you want," she shrugged.


We stared into each other's eyes as I begun to shake my head. "I don't know…" I muttered uncertainly.


"Please?" she asked while sucking me into those chocolate depths, effectively bending me to her will.


After a minute, I sighed, then conceded, "Alright."


She got off my lap then, and I whispered to my brother and sister to start without me. My Bella may think that she's going out by herself, but she is sorely mistaken. I will be coming along, like the proud stalker that I am. I can keep my distance though, if that's what she needs…I can give her the illusion of privacy.


"Will you get Marie's Ipod down for me?" she asked while shoving her new cell phone in her jean pocket.


"If you're going to be listening to music, love, then you need to set your ringer to it's highest volume and put it on vibrate, too," I instructed while I walked over to the closet to get Marie's box.


She took the phone back out and did as she was told, while I took Marie's black Ipod and small earphones out of the tin box. I handed it to my Bella, and she stuffed it in her other pocket with a sad look on her face.


She held her hand out to me, so I took it and slowly walked down the steps with her.


"So…are you going to ride your bike, or go for a walk?" I asked curiously.


"Walk," she mumbled.


I smiled and gave her little palm a light squeeze. "It's a beautiful day outside, you should enjoy it."


"Yeah…umm, tell Alice and Jasper that I said thanks. Umm, for setting up the work-out stuff. It umm…means a lot," she murmured shyly, keeping her gaze down on her feet as we walked.


"I will," I assured her, both of us already knowing that my siblings had just heard her murmured "thanks" for themselves, from their position upstairs.


She left out the backdoor and I waited exactly eight seconds, before the anxiety became too much, and I followed after her. I kept as far back as possible, and stayed silent. When she got beyond the confines of our backyard and started heading for the trees, I breathed a sigh of relief and took to the various treetops and branches. I watched as she despondently kicked leaves around, and slowly walked the small trail to the river just beyond the trees behind our house. She picked up a small stick and began breaking off small pieces as her steps continued at an even, slow pace. When there was no more stick to occupy her hands, she took the phone out of her pocket and looked down at the screen, I assume to check and make sure the ringer was still on, and that she hadn't missed any calls.


"He hasn't even called…" she quietly mumbled.


I thought that she was talking about me, but then she added, "Doesn't Charlie even miss me?"


Aw.


I heard her sniffle as she shoved the phone back in her pocket, then her hand traveled over to the other side of her waist and retrieved Marie's black Ipod. She paused her slow steps and powered the little gadget on, then placed the tiny earphones in her ears.


I heard her sigh then, and I couldn't tell if it was in exasperation, or relief.


"Shut up, you can share," I heard her quietly mutter.


I smiled, knowing that Marie must have made some kind of protest when my Bella started pressing the buttons on her Ipod.


So Isabella and Marie hadn't completely gone away these past few days, but my Bella's mind is keeping them at bay for some reason. It has something to do with this 'healing process' that my father told me about. I don't like the way that he described it…what he said my Bella would go through.


Violent and vivid flashbacks?


I found myself growing nervous at her reaction to these things…to the unknown.


My Bella began walking again, and soon she ended up by the river that I had jumped many times in the past…too many to count. She walked to the edge of the grass patches and silently stood there, gazing down into the water. I stayed perched on my branch and prayed to God that she wasn't planning on getting in that water. I would dive out of this tree and into that river with a quickness, just so that I could drag her body out of the current, and bust her suicidal ass. She would not be happy with me.


I breathed a sigh of immense relief when she sat down by the edge of the water, instead of getting in it. She started fiddling with the Ipod then, trying to pick a song to listen to. When she finally settled on the relaxing harmony of 'A Song for Mia' by Lizz Wright, she set it down beside her and lightly combed her fingers through the long, bright green grass blades. Occasionally she would pick up a rock and throw it into the water, trying to land it farther and farther with each throw.


Soon, the song changed, and she laid back on the soft grass. She closed her eyes and relaxed, letting the warm rays of the sun bathe over her beautiful face. I noticed that her cheeks were a little wet.


What the hell?


My girl had apparently been crying, but I hadn't been alerted to her distress, because her breathing had remained relaxed, and her heart beat stayed at a normal level. I inhaled then, and there it was…the telltale scent of my Bella's salty tears. I puzzled over this as I gazed upon my angel's delicate and still features.


I remained silent and listened to the lyrics of the current song on Marie's Ipod.


Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing
Hello
I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello
I am the lie, living for you so you can hide
Don't cry
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello
I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday


Tears were steadily streaming out of the corners of her closed eyes by the end of the song, but her features remained calm and relaxed. I didn't miss the sentiment of the song, not at all. It's slow and haunting melody described the situation that she was in, as a multiple personality, perfectly.


My broken Bella.


I could never even begin to imagine how hard all of this must be for her. Yes, she has survived the abuse, but now she needs to survive the recovery. It must seem like Mt. Everest to her…a huge, impossible feat to overcome, and she doesn't even want to begin the steep trek because she knows that every step of the way is going to leave her beat down and breathless. I silently vowed to help her along the way…every single step of the way, as I gracefully dropped down from my top secret hiding place - the tree branch.


I opened my mind and scanned the area, making sure there were no humans around to see me sparkle on this unusually sunny day, then slowly made my way over to my beautiful girl and sat down beside her. She opened her eyes and kept her watery gaze locked with mine as I gently wiped away her tears and combed my fingers through her long, silky hair. She listened to another song, Stone Sour's 'Bother', while I continued my ministrations. When it was finished, she silently pulled the earphones out, always keeping her eyes on mine.


The tears never stopped, even though she remained silent and her breathing stayed even. I kept wiping each new tear away, making sure to keep my facial expression as reassuring as possible, despite my natural anxiety at the sight and smell of her tears. I held my breath, and that seemed to help some, but not enough to curb my anxiety. Thirty-seven seconds later, she finally lost her perfected composure and I saw how her bottom lip began to tremble. I sighed and lightly ran the pad of my thumb along those pretty, pouting lips, and the next thing I knew, a small sob finally escaped through them.


I nodded. "Okay, c'mere baby…" I said softly, and scooped her small form up into my arms.


I brought her to my chest and she straddled my lap, clinging to me and crying while I quickly gathered Marie's Ipod that still lay on the ground. I kept a firm grip around my mate as I stood and shoved the Ipod in my pocket.


"Close your eyes," I whispered to her, before taking off in a run back to my house.


I ran all the way back to the house, and never broke my stride as I traveled up the steps to our bedroom. I slowed down to a human pace once we were actually in the bedroom, though. I decided to try pacing with her…it always seemed to work with my baby Isabella and Marie. But after five minutes of rhythmic pacing, and rubbing her back, her cries hadn't quieted down one bit.


Alice appeared in the doorway, concerned. I locked eyes with her and she told me through her thoughts that I needed to give Bella a minute alone to compose herself while I called Carlisle. I subtly nodded, not liking the idea of letting my Bella go, but realizing the need for her doctor's advice, at the moment. He had spoken of emotional breakdowns and psychotic fits while I was on the phone with him earlier. I hoped that this was nothing like either of those things, but I couldn't be too sure, and I needed his advice.


I took my Bella to the bathroom and sat her down on the counter, then quickly grabbed some tissues and began wiping away all of the wet mess. I gently ran the tissues along her flushed cheeks, and wiped the bottom of her runny little button nose.


She didn't look at me.


The tears kept up a constant flow, but on a brighter note: her cries weren't coming out in sobs, and I sincerely hoped that it would stay that way.


I kissed her overheated forehead and murmured against her soft flesh, "I'll be right back."


She nodded and rubbed at her eyes with tiny fists.


I left my Bella sitting on the bathroom counter and followed my sister into the spare room, where they were almost finished setting everything up. I exhaled a shaky breath as I listened to my girl's cries gradually quiet down to the occasional whimper with the help of my talented brother.


I took my phone out of my pocket and dialed my father's number.


"Edward?"


"When will you be home, Carlisle? I think that my Bell -" I cut myself off and froze as I registered Jasper's abrupt change in thoughts.


He was picking up an unbelievable amount of sudden terror and anxiety coming from my mate.


His body's subtle shudder was quickly followed by my own, and three seconds later, my girl's shakily exhaled breath broke the eerie silence of the mansion.


"Edward, what's going on?" Carlisle asked, panic subtly leaking through his always carefully composed voice.


"Dad…" I whispered into the phone.


Jasper subtly growled and I cringed as I read the emotions coursing through him. Alice stood off to the side with a worried look marring her tiny features.


"Yes, son, what is it? I'm on my way home, we're about an hour away. What's going on? Is it Bella?"


"I need you," was all I could say right before a blood-curdling scream rang out from the next room. My bedroom.


My Bella.


I flipped the phone closed and rushed back over to my bedroom, but then froze in the doorway as I took in the heartbreaking scene before me. My Bella…my precious Bella, was huddled on the floor in the corner. Down on her knees, curdled up in a small ball, in the corner.


Isabella's time out corner.


Her entire body was subtly shaking. I saw how her lean muscles in her back and arms constantly twitched and constricted…her breathing was fast and shaky, and her teeth slightly chattered, as if she were cold. She pressed her forehead into the caddy-cornered wall and let out another scream, quickly followed by a loud sob that ripped out of her throat and shook her small frame. She kept trying to curl into herself, pressing her body closer to the wall, in an effort to make herself smaller. She turned her head to the side and pressed her rosy cheek against the cool white surface as she began to cry…and cry…and cry some more.


Anxiety gripped tightly at my chest, adding more emotional turmoil for Jasper to deal with. I hissed in a breath, then immediately cursed myself for the action, for it only caused my emotional state to worsen with the salty-sweet smell of my mate's adrenaline and tears.


Fucking calm down, Cullen. Bella needs you.


Right.


Another shudder ran through me and venom coated my teeth, but I swallowed it back as I placed myself beside my Bella's small form against the wall.


I crouched down next to her and called out her name, letting her know that I was here. "Bella?"


My voice was hoarse from anxiety and the fear of not being able to handle her mental breakdown, but I tried my best to make it honey-smooth and reassuring for her. It wasn't working that well, though. I really, really needed to calm down. This wasn't about me, it was about her.


Selfish.


Bella gasped. "Oh, God…" she hesitantly whispered, then suddenly cried out again, as if she were in pain.


Oh, God.


Her little shoulders raised and she ducked her head, so that they were almost touching her tiny earlobes, as all of the muscles in her body caused her to stiffen and be still.


I placed a hand on her back and she screamed like I had burned her.


"Don't touch meee-eee!" she hiccupped her sobbed plea.


I wretched my hand back to my side, and noticed that the now-familiar subtle growl had ignited in my chest, effectively warning others of my kind to keep away.


Stay away from me and mine.


I placed my head against the wall, just inches away from her own, and pleaded with her. "Bella, please…I need to touch you," I whispered desperately.


She kept her eyes squeezed shut and her jaw clenched, as she quickly shook her head in response and screamed out again.


I unknowingly let out a dry sob at the horrible sounds of my mate's distress, and felt how my eyes immediately begin to burn as they glazed over with venom.


Baby, please stop screaming.


She began subtly rocking her small body on her knees a bit, but then immediately stopped, and tried to press her body even closer to the wall…like she wanted it to swallow her whole and make all the pain go away, or something.


Jasper entered the room then, and I quickly turned around to instinctually growl at him in warning.


Stay the fuck away.


I saw his intentions in his mind. He wanted skin to skin contact with my Bella so that his talent would be more effective…she seemed to be withdrawing more and more into herself and it was making his talent slightly difficult to use on her at the moment.


My instinctual, irrational mind didn't give a damn what his reasoning was, though. He was a Male coming after my distressed female and I would rip both his arms off if he tried to touch her. She had said, "Don't touch me." So nobody was going to fucking touch her.


"No," I snarled.


Mine.


I glared at him, but somewhere, in the back of my mind, I began to register the fact that this was my brother, and that his only intention was to help. My mate's followed screams quickly drowned out that voice of reason though, and I took a protective stance over her.


I heard Jasper sigh as he resolved to stay by the door and continue to try and calm my mate as best he could from there.


I scooted in behind my Bella and placed both of my hands on the wall, on either side of her head, effectively caging her against the wall and hovering over her, our skin only inches apart. My main goal quickly became to successfully shield her from anyone else's view and protect her body with my own. I concentrated on the warmth coming off of my Bella's beautiful skin in an effort to try and calm down again…to become rational again. My subtle growl remained low in my chest though, and thankfully, Jasper continued to heed the warning.


My Bella continued to cry, her small body shaking and shuddering from all of the hiccupping sobs erupting from her throat. Twelve minutes later, her strained cries turned into panted breaths and small whimpers under Jasper's influence.


"Momma…" she whimpered pathetically, before gasping for another breath, her chest heaving with the effort.


"Shhh…" I shushed from behind her.


"He's hurts me," she distantly whispered.


"Baby, I'm here," I said, trying to bring her back to the present time.


She clenched her jaw, then made a pained and aggravated moaning sound in the back of her throat. She balled up her fist and punched the wooden floor by her right thigh.


"Edward, it hurts," she told me in a small whimper.


I know.


I sighed. "Baby, I love you…I'm here," I assured her.


Her breathing gradually accelerated and then she began crying all over again.


"My Bella…" I brokenly whispered as I tried to carefully reach out, and offer my comforting touch again.


But as soon as my fingertips ghosted along her bare arm, she screamed, "No!!" and pressed her nose harder into the corner. Goose bumps has erupted on the smooth skin of her bare arms.


I groaned in frustration, but it came out sounding more like a small growl. "Bella, baby…please let me hold you," I pleaded desperately.


Her only response to my plea was louder, hiccupping sobs that wracked and shook her small body.


Her face broke out into a sweat as she fisted her hands into her long hair, twisting and pulling at it. She lifted her face to the ceiling and screamed and cried out in pain. She wailed and whimpered and moaned in sorrow, telling me that she was hurting and pleading desperately for any kind of help.


I continued to hover over her and began lightly humming her lullaby, hoping that the familiar melody would offer her some form of comfort, because she still wouldn't let me touch her.


This was killing me. I wanted to cuddle her all better and she wouldn't let me.


I want to touch you. I need to hold you.


Two minutes later, Jasper's influence took hold again, and she turned her face down to the floor, gasping and panting for breath. I watched her throat constrict as she convulsively swallowed back sobs.


"Isabella *gasp* h- *gasp* help *gasp* me," she pleaded desperately through her panting breaths.


I stopped humming then, and let out a shaky hiss.


Why aren't they helping her?!


She slammed her palms against her ears then, and screamed out, "Please!!"


After a few bated breaths, she groaned then began bawling in defeat when neither alternate came into awareness to save her from reliving these memories.


Jasper quickly got her emotions under control again though, and she started the subtle rocking on her knees again.


She began murmuring under her labored breaths, "Daddy no, Daddy stop, Daddy I'm sorry…"


I growled. "Bella, Jim's not here," I assured her in the strongest voice that I could conjure up at the moment.


She let her grip on her ears go then, and crossed her arms, tucking her flat palms securely under her armpits and continued to rock herself. Her breaths continued to gasp in and out, and they remained shaky.


Her mumbled words changed to, "Edward help, Edward please, Edward it hurts…" and I hissed at my efforts to restrain my constantly reaching hands, not wanting to cause her anymore pain.


Fuck.


"Bella, please…please let me fucking hold you. I need to touch you. That's the only way I know how to make it better."


She didn't acquiesce to my request, just quickly whispered, "Make it stop," before a small sob escaped her wet, parted lips, signaling the start of another fit.


"Bella, open your eyes," I suggested softly.


I needed her to open those tightly shut lids and see me and the room around her, so that she could get the fuck out of her head. I needed her to stop seeing and reliving the flashes of terror within her mind's eye.


"Nooo…" she groaned low in her throat and shook her head as her muscles tensed, yet again, and the screams came back for a brand new round.


I growled and reached for her then, unable to take it anymore.


Fuck this.


I enveloped her small, shaking form in my arms. I ignored her screams and how her body tried to relentlessly squirm out of my embrace, and pressed her back against my chest. My arms crisscrossed in the front of her, forcing her arms to stay at her sides so that she wouldn't try to hit me and end up hurting herself. With my right hand on her thin left bicep and my left hand on her right, I sat her back on my kneeling lap and began rocking her. I ducked my head and placed my chin on her shoulder, my mouth next to her ear.


"My Bella, my beautiful girl…I love you," I softly murmured against the shell of her little ear as she cried and continued to try and twist out of my grasp.


In our position, I felt in my chest and abdomen how the muscles in her small back convulsively tightened, causing constant tremors to run along her spine. I tightened my hold around her small, shaking body and inhaled her scent, adrenaline and all, letting the burn in my throat gradually relax me. I had to quickly calm my own anxiety, so that I could sooth hers. I repeatedly placed cool, insistent kisses on her warm temple, wet cheek, and soft shoulder.


"Bella, sweetheart, open your eyes…come back to me," I whispered in her ear as her body's shakes and tremors began to lessen in my grip.


Her eyes finally popped open then, but her cries never stopped, although they did begin to calm as she took in her surroundings. She let her body go limp and relax against me.


I kept my grip tight around her small frame as I stood from my kneeling position on the floor. I turned my Bella around and shifted her position so that we were chest to chest, instead of back to chest. She clung to me as I walked us over to the bed and sat down, then leaned back against the headboardm always keeping my fragile girl straddled in my lap.


My sweet girl continued to cry and mumbled to me that her throat hurt and that she was thirsty. I silently nodded, understanding her dilemma after all that screaming, and reached for the tissue box on the nightstand. She sat still for the most part while I cleaned up the wet mess on her face and wiped her runny little nose for her.


Jasper, my fucking hero, never stopped sending my girl pure waves of calm and serenity. He was extremely worried about her…hell, we all were. I noticed that Alice was standing behind him, and had been watching our display play out in front of her the entire time.


I registered Carlisle and Esme's presence in the house then. They had just arrived home and had heard the very end of my Bella's breakdown.


Bella began mumbling…almost incoherently, her speech rushed and slurred, about how her Daddy always hurts her and that her Mom never cares.


"Shhh…love, Jim is not your daddy. Charlie is. Never forget that," I reminded her.


She whimpered and sniffled as she nodded in response. "It's confu-uusing though," she hiccupped.


I nodded in understanding then shushed her again. "You need to rest your throat, baby."


She nodded and relaxed into me. I enveloped her in my arms and cradled her to my chest, hugging her tightly to me.


Carlisle appeared in the doorway then, and Jasper and Alice let him by, then turned to go back to the spare room and finish setting the gym equipment up.


Carlisle entered the room with a determined stride. He had a bottle of water, and two pills in his hands. He looked at my Bella in concern for a few seconds, then eventually locked gazes with mine.


Damn it, Edward. I know that she is your mate, but I wish that for once, you would put your pride aside to look after her wellbeing. You should have called me yesterday his thoughts assaulted me.


I glared at him.


Yes, she is my mate, in other words: nobody else's business but my own, but that's not the fucking point right now. My Bella wasn't freaking out yesterday, she was freaking out today, and goddamn it, I had called him when it started. What more did he want?


"She was fine yesterday, only a little somber and withdrawn. And I called you when her emotional breakdown began thirty minutes ago. I took care of her just fine," I pointed out in our whispered frequency, so as to not disturb my Bella.


Her 'somber' mood was a telltale sign of her drawing into herself, inevitably resulting in some type of breakdown. If I had known, I would have told you to go into my medical bag and start her on a dose of the meds I have set aside for her. You two could have avoided this entire episode today, and I wouldn't have had to rush home in a panic. I told you to call me if you needed anything. Anything, Edward. You are not the only one who cares for that girl in your arms. She is like a daughter to me. Stop being so selfish he admonished me.


Fuck him and his words of wisdom.


I gritted my teeth. "I wasn't being selfish, father, I was thinking about you…and your trip with your mate. I didn't want to interrupt it, and cause you to come home, when I wasn't even sure if there was anything really wrong. It would have been a wasted trip, for something as inconsequential as her just being sad. A few frowns and a blank stare are no cause for concern and it's certainly not an emergency," I argued back, still in our frequency.


That's my point, Edward. I wouldn't have come home to a few frowns and a blank stare, I would have advised you to go in my damn bag and give her the medicine so all of this could have been avoided! he repeated, exasperated.


I clenched my jaw and didn't bother with the fucking frequency anymore. "Just give her the damn medicine and leave us," I demanded quietly.


He was overstepping his bounds, and he knew it. She's my mate, not his. I've never interfered in his dealings with Esme, even when I didn't agree with them. I expect the same courtesy, damn it. It's only fair.


He arched his eyebrow. "Stop growling and I will," he told me.


I hadn't even realized that the subtle growl deep within my chest, barely audible as a purr, was still going...just a rumbling away. I abruptly stopped the silent, yet menacing sound, and he stepped forward with ease then.


Bella turned her head, alerted to his presence by the sound of his voice. She had stopped her cries, to which I was very thankful and relieved. She reached for the bottle of water in his hand and he immediately handed it over. While she put the sport-top to her puckered lips and began sucking down gulps of the clear, cool liquid, he began speaking to her in his usual bedside manner.


"Bella, dear, I have some medicine here that I want you to take," he informed her.


She nodded and withdrew the bottle from her mouth, then held out a small upturned palm to him. He smiled at her willingness to comply.


"I'm sure you're familiar with this whole process by now, so it would come as no surprise to you that, should the need for them arise, I've had a prescription for Valium and Prozac filled for you. It appears as though that time has come, and I am very happy to inform you that we are prepared. You will be taking the Prozac pill once a day, and the Valium will only be taken as needed. Right now, I'd like you to take both of them for me," he told her as he placed the two small pills in her hand.


She silently brought her hand in between our bodies and looked down at the two seemingly harmless pills. I kissed her forehead and gave her a reassuring smile. She looked up at me then, with slightly worried eyes. I cupped her rosy cheek and gazed at her with concern. When she bit her lip, instead of taking the pills, I finally understood what was wrong.


She was nervous about the medicine, but wasn't voicing her thoughts because of her sore throat and her doctor's presence in the room.


I nodded, "Okay, sweetheart…let's try this," I suggested lightly.


She looked at me in question. "What?" she croaked, then cleared her throat.


Instead of answering her, I simply showed her.


I carefully took the tiny pills out of her hand and instructed her to open her mouth. She hesitantly complied, parting her lips for me, and I placed both of the round substances on the flat surface of her pink tongue. Taking the bottle of water out of her grip then, I put the sport-top to her lips and told her to tilt her head back. She did, and when the water poured into her mouth, I lightly ran my thumb along the column of her throat, ensuring that she swallowed the water, along with the medicine.


I put the bottle on the nightstand and enveloped her back into my arms when I was done. I placed feather light kisses on both of her closed eyelids, and then one on her smooth forehead.


"Better, love?"


She opened her eyes and nodded at me. "Mm-hmm," she hummed in agreement, then rested her head on my shoulder.


"Bella?" Carlisle called out to her and sat down on the edge of our bed.


She lifted her head and turned to face him. I kept my arms around her, cradling her chest to mine.


"Hmm?"


He knowingly smirked. "How would you feel about a therapy session today, instead of tomorrow…"


She nodded immediately, almost enthusiastically, to which he lightly chuckled.


"I thought so. Your conscious mind needs a break. Once that small dose of valium kicks in, I can help you out with that," he offered.


She nodded in agreement again, but I tightened my grip on her.


Therapy…memories…not good.


"Waiting for the medicine to begin working will also give you some time to rest your throat. I know that you must sore and hoarse from all the screaming," Carlisle voiced in concern.


"Thank you…um, talking about the memories in a session always makes me numb to it and allows Isabella or Marie to come into awareness, so that I don't have to immediately deal with certain repercussions. I need a break from all the vivid sensations of my abuse that I've been feeling for the past two days. When I begin to relive some events of my past, all of the emotions become very real and they overwhelm me," she explained quietly in a small voice that cracked.


He nodded. "Not to worry, dear," he assured her while giving her a small smile. "Doctor Dad is in the house."


She murmured, "Doctor dad," with a smile, then laid her head back on my shoulder. I immediately began rubbing her back, and Carlisle got up from the edge of the bed.


"When you're ready, Bella, I'll be in my office," he informed her.


"Alright, thanks," she mumbled, then turned her head to nuzzle her face into my cool neck.


The room fell silent then. It was almost too quiet, compared to the bustling activity that had gone on in it, just forty minutes before.


I kept her held to me and broke the silence by lightly humming her lullaby again, as I stuck my nose in her hair and relished in her heavenly scent. She stayed silent and limp in my embrace as she softly fingered the fine hairs at the nape of my neck.


Ten minutes later, I marveled at her relaxed state and calm breaths, immensely relieved that the medicine had begun to work and that my Bella was going to be okay.


Well, for the most part.


She had therapy next, and I knew that my Bella wouldn't be the one to come back, out of that room. And that was fine, because I missed my little girl, and her sassy sidekick, but that didn't mean that I wouldn't miss my Bella while I was spending time with her alternates.


I also realized then, that when my Bella disappears after each session with my father, that it really is for the best…Isabella and Marie are merely protecting her when they come into awareness directly after therapy. They are allowing her to avoid what had just happened.


Or, should I so…her mind is allowing it? Because Marie and Isabella are not real. They are defense mechanisms.


They are not real...


Blasphemy.


Nope. I'm not going to think about that right now.


I still have plenty of time to spend with my girls, because my Bella is far from recovery. It will be a long, drawn-out process…and I will get to play with my little girl every single day, and I'll hang out with Marie whenever she wants to come around.


I decided that I wanted to try something, then. Because Bella is my mate and she should be able to talk to me about anything. Anything at all. Yes, I hear every word that she mutters to Carlisle in the study, but I want her to feel like she can talk directly to me about these things, too.


I am the one who comforts her, not Carlisle. I am the one who loves her, not Carlisle. I am the one she belongs to, not Carlisle.


"Bella?"


She cleared her throat. "Hmm?"


"What happened?" I asked her softly. "What did you remember that had you so upset?"


She lifted her head from my shoulder and gazed into my eyes with her half-lidded ones.


Aw.


I gave her a small smile…she was definitely feeling the effects of the medicine.


I kissed her forehead softly and murmured against it, "Are you tired?"


She subtly shook her head, so I nodded in response. I grazed my nose down her face a bit and gave her a gentle Eskimo Kiss.


She smiled and bit her lip when I withdrew my nose from her adorable one. "You really wanna know?" she asked softly in a much clearer voice.


I smiled. Her melodic voice was clear and smooth again…back to normal.


I nodded. "Mm-hmm."


If you can tell Carlisle, than you can tell me. Your mate.


"Okay," she replied lightly and gave me a delicate shrug. "I was five and it was laundry day. Mom went to the store to get some more laundry soap and fabric softener. Jim was outside hanging the bed sheets on the clothes line in the backyard."


"Okay," I nodded, wondering where this was going.


"As soon as Mom left, he was all up in my face, demanding that I suck his cock," she said nonchalantly.


"O-Okaay…"


"So I'm goin at it, like a fucking pro, by the way," she starts casually and I internally cringe, but keep my facial expression composed.


Yeah, maybe I don't wanna know.


"But, you see, my mouth is all small, and he is all big, so naturally, my baby teeth scrape along his shaft while he is relentlessly fucking my mouth," she shrugs with a nod.


I exhaled a shaky breath, "Right…"


Okay, you can shut up now.


"And so, Dad gets all pissed and drags me up to my room, and he does what? Guess," she told me with a slightly raised eyebrow.


"Scarves," I blankly murmured.


"Bingo!" she congratulated me with a small smile. "So, I'm laying on my bed, naked and bound, and Dad and his angel come up with the idea to go out back and get some of the clothes pins he had been using on the bed sheets."


"He's not your dad," I whispered and just barely suppressed a growl.


"Right. Well, he brings six of them back up to my room and pinches them onto my pussy. I screamed. I cried. It hurt to walk and sit for a week after that, sbecause those evil contraptions left little bruises where they were attached to my skin."


I growled then. I couldn't help it, but at least I kept my mouth shut to muffle the sound.


Okay, so maybe there's a reason why Carlisle is her doctor, and I'm not.


Yes. To keep what fucking sanity I have left, intact.


"And your mother?" I questioned.


She nodded and scratched her little button nose with a small index finger. "Yeah, Jim took the pins off when he heard her car door slam."


I raised my eyebrows expectantly. "She didn't go to you…even though you were screaming and crying up in your room?"


She furrowed her brow at me then. "Umm, no…she had laundry to do," she stated, as if it should have been obvious.


I nodded slowly in understanding.


Neglectful whore.


I am going to kill Renee.